Yesterday was dark, as the day went on, my mood got darker...
I felt panic at the bottom of my stomach, churning away...so I ate some toast, spread with honey...and a warm cup of tea, to "make it better"
This panic had been with me, on and off since Sunday...I've been waking up startled, as if I've slept through the alarm and I'll be late for something...so I have to tell myself to breathe in and out, get some sort of a rhythm going before I open my eyes and find myself in this bedroom that still feels so foreign to me. But it won't be for long, because this house is about to go on the market, and we are all so excited to be leaving this place, for once, all four of us agreed on something none of us is happy with.
This morning I was up at 5am as usual on a Tuesday to attend my business meeting, when I got back hubby and I went for coffee, but before we got there I managed to break down and announce that I intended to see a doctor and get myself some anti-depressants because I just can't go on this way...
Hubby agreed, said anything that will get me through is for the best. You see, I get so "fuzzy" in the head, and i can't afford to be, my work requires me to be on the ball at all times. I break down into tears at the drop of a hat...and I don't like to be like this.
...I know that our troubles will pass, but until then, how can I hold it together...?
FABULOUS SANDRA! ... The ramblings of a 40 - something wife and mum on a journey to be the best version of me.
I agree too - think of them as a tool to help you get through this tough time. It's no different to a sticking plaster over a cut, protecting yourself while you heal underneath.
ReplyDeleteHoping that your trouble pass very quickly meanwhile, you can hold it together with the love and support of your family and your friends who are thinking of you here xx
Sandra, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Your livelihood (job) requires you to be together and on the ball so you must do what you need to achieve that. Taking anti-depressants will be temporary and it will pass. They might just make the interim more bearable.
ReplyDeletexx m
I don't have anything extra to add to the others except that I agree with what they said. I just wanted to send you a virtual hug and to let you know that you are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time, Sandra. Whatever you need to get you through it is perfectly fine, so don't feel as though you've failed in any way. Even the strongest person has a breaking point.
ReplyDeleteI really hope things are brighter for you very quickly. x
Thank you all for your comments - a bit of a reprieve over the last couple of days...tossing up a couple of possibilities to deal with my 'depression'(?)
ReplyDeleteWill post again soon.
xo