Here's the thing -
For the last week or so, I've been trying hard to ignore a niggling itchy throat and a runny nose...
Today I feel exhausted, even after a good, eight and a half hour uninterrupted sleep...
My joints felt quite stiff when I got up, and some time during the morning my lower back just "went"...a twinge, but enough to make me irritable and slow down my movements....
NOT GOOD
In all honesty, I admit I have been neglecting myself and ignoring the signs my body is sending me. I've just been going through the motions and refusing to slow down when that is clearly what I need...
I am not one to go to bed because I am feeling unwell...but I will take some time for R & R during the weekend.
I was chatting to my brother on the phone today and he suggested Barocca - apparently the nurse at work told him the "trick" is to overdose on Barocca for a couple of days. The theory behind it being that it gives your body a Vit C "boost" and should help if it is a common cold...
...don't know, I'm not into self-prescribing, but I might get some Baroccas anyway.
So here I sit with a Lemsip, a kitten on my lap and some not-so-urgent work to try and get through.
It would be nice to get back to my Cto5K, but not sure - maybe even a walk in the fresh air would be enough.
..............
How do you get rid of the common cold? Do you do take action as soon as you feel "unwell"? Or are you like me and hope it will go away if you ignore it?
Enjoy the weekend, I may or may not be back tomorrow
xoxox
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
My secret to Fab skin...
I was blessed with genes for "good" skin...
I have a light olive complexion, thanks to the French on my Dad's side and the Spanish on my Mum's side...so I can go out in the sun and don't burn instantly, and I look younger than my "pure Anglo" friends who are the same age.
BUT .......
No amount of good genes is going to help if you neglect your skin - which is what I have been doing lately.
I looked in the mirror the other night and did not like what I saw, the next morning was no better - puffy eyes, dry itchy spots and dull looking skin.
Time to bring out the Big Guns....Botox...? Facial Peel...?....ummmm....NO!!!
Here is what I do for Fab Skin -
*** Water!!! - I need to drink at least 1.5L of good old H2O every day, 2L is even better. It completely reduces any puffiness and uneven skin tone in as little as two weeks
*** Exercise - after a really good work-out, I can usually look in the mirror and my face is bright red and even "purplish". That's a sign that I've really got the blood pumping, and my skin benefits from the work-out too. Again, I can notice an improvement in my skin within weeks of regular exercise.
*** Exfoliate - As we get older, our skin needs more help in renewing itself, when we are teenagers, our skin gets rid of the outer layers once every 28 days more or less. This slows down as we age, so exfoliating once a week is one way to keep the old cells "moving" right along.
Moisturise - I've been really slack these past few months and now that the chill has hit, I am paying for it. So my plan is to moisturise every morning and use a slightly "heavier" moisturiser at night after my shower. I've never used extremely expensive moisturisers. I worked in cosmetics and skin care for a short period of time and learnt that most beauty products contain the exact same ingredients, but we pay for the extra fragrances and packaging and, of course, the *brand name*
*** Eat FRESH - when I add my minimum two serves of fruit and a couple of cups of salad/veggies to my diet, my skin thanks me for it.
*** Sleep !!!! - I need at least seven hours good, uninterrupted sleep. This varies for everyone, but you know when you've had the *right* amount of sleep.
NOT ROCKET SCIENCE...IS IT?
So there you have it - my plan for Fab skin... now I have it in writing, I feel more accountable to *Me*
I'm linking to Lucy's Drab2Fab this week....check it out, lots of gorgeous Drab2Fab ideas.

I have a light olive complexion, thanks to the French on my Dad's side and the Spanish on my Mum's side...so I can go out in the sun and don't burn instantly, and I look younger than my "pure Anglo" friends who are the same age.
BUT .......
No amount of good genes is going to help if you neglect your skin - which is what I have been doing lately.
I looked in the mirror the other night and did not like what I saw, the next morning was no better - puffy eyes, dry itchy spots and dull looking skin.
Time to bring out the Big Guns....Botox...? Facial Peel...?....ummmm....NO!!!
Here is what I do for Fab Skin -
*** Water!!! - I need to drink at least 1.5L of good old H2O every day, 2L is even better. It completely reduces any puffiness and uneven skin tone in as little as two weeks
*** Exercise - after a really good work-out, I can usually look in the mirror and my face is bright red and even "purplish". That's a sign that I've really got the blood pumping, and my skin benefits from the work-out too. Again, I can notice an improvement in my skin within weeks of regular exercise.
*** Exfoliate - As we get older, our skin needs more help in renewing itself, when we are teenagers, our skin gets rid of the outer layers once every 28 days more or less. This slows down as we age, so exfoliating once a week is one way to keep the old cells "moving" right along.
Moisturise - I've been really slack these past few months and now that the chill has hit, I am paying for it. So my plan is to moisturise every morning and use a slightly "heavier" moisturiser at night after my shower. I've never used extremely expensive moisturisers. I worked in cosmetics and skin care for a short period of time and learnt that most beauty products contain the exact same ingredients, but we pay for the extra fragrances and packaging and, of course, the *brand name*
*** Eat FRESH - when I add my minimum two serves of fruit and a couple of cups of salad/veggies to my diet, my skin thanks me for it.
*** Sleep !!!! - I need at least seven hours good, uninterrupted sleep. This varies for everyone, but you know when you've had the *right* amount of sleep.
NOT ROCKET SCIENCE...IS IT?
So there you have it - my plan for Fab skin... now I have it in writing, I feel more accountable to *Me*
I'm linking to Lucy's Drab2Fab this week....check it out, lots of gorgeous Drab2Fab ideas.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
What do you get out of it...?
Cassie has always been my "questions girl"...as a toddler, she would spend the day asking me questions about anything and everything...I've always tried my best to answer them as best I can.
She is twelve (for another precious few weeks), so when she was little, I wasn't that much into Google...my answers had to come from what I knew to be true, if not we went to Daddy.
Maddie has never been as "chatty"...she will say something when she feels it is worth saying - very resourceful, she was always one of those kids who entertain themselves...as long as I was in her line of vision, she was OK. I remember going out to parties etc when she was tiny. All we had to bring was her little quilt and some toys, and she was right.
Thursday afternoons are the busiest for me (us) - Cassie has two dance lessons, Hubby plays basketball and Maddie heads to the "mall" with her friends for two hours after school. Us mums take it in turns to pick the girls up from the shops and ferry them back to their respective homes.
I am used to the routine - I take a couple of mandarines, a magazine in case I have to wait for someone and my Blackberry. In the car I listen to music, or sometimes "The Quiz" on the ABC...
.............
A couple of weeks ago, I had picked Cassie up from her dance lesson (at the top of the Mountains) and was heading down to pick Hubby up from the town at the very bottom of the Mountains (about 40 minutes down the Great Western Highway), and then we would pick Maddie up from a friend's place on our way back home.
Cassie - Wow, Mummy you sure do a lot of driving around for us on Thursdays...
I agreed and told her I'd actually been in the car for about two hours without getting out by that stage.
Cassie - What do you get out of it...?
Me - Ummm, nothing really...what do you mean?
Cassie - You know, what's in it for you? Why do you do it?
Me - Well, you love your dance lessons, and Daddy loves playing basketball, and Maddie enjoys her weekly outing with her friends...so you're all doing stuff that makes you happy
Cassie - But is there something about tonight that makes YOU happy, Mummy?
Me - If the three people I love most in the world are happy, I'm happy too.
Cassie - Gee, you must love us a lot, Mummy. I would be cranky to have to drive everyone around so much.
Me - Cassie, when you're married to a wonderful man and you have some beautiful kids that you love more than anything in the world, you'll get it. If they're happy, you're happy too.
Cassie - I hope so Mummy, 'cause right now, I can't understand it.
...........
Lucky she caught me in a good mood that evening - who knows what I'd have said if I had PMS or not had enough sleep the night before...
That's my girl - always making me think...
Yikes!!! It's Thursday tomorrow!!!!
xoxox
She is twelve (for another precious few weeks), so when she was little, I wasn't that much into Google...my answers had to come from what I knew to be true, if not we went to Daddy.
Maddie has never been as "chatty"...she will say something when she feels it is worth saying - very resourceful, she was always one of those kids who entertain themselves...as long as I was in her line of vision, she was OK. I remember going out to parties etc when she was tiny. All we had to bring was her little quilt and some toys, and she was right.
Thursday afternoons are the busiest for me (us) - Cassie has two dance lessons, Hubby plays basketball and Maddie heads to the "mall" with her friends for two hours after school. Us mums take it in turns to pick the girls up from the shops and ferry them back to their respective homes.
I am used to the routine - I take a couple of mandarines, a magazine in case I have to wait for someone and my Blackberry. In the car I listen to music, or sometimes "The Quiz" on the ABC...
.............
A couple of weeks ago, I had picked Cassie up from her dance lesson (at the top of the Mountains) and was heading down to pick Hubby up from the town at the very bottom of the Mountains (about 40 minutes down the Great Western Highway), and then we would pick Maddie up from a friend's place on our way back home.
Cassie - Wow, Mummy you sure do a lot of driving around for us on Thursdays...
I agreed and told her I'd actually been in the car for about two hours without getting out by that stage.
Cassie - What do you get out of it...?
Me - Ummm, nothing really...what do you mean?
Cassie - You know, what's in it for you? Why do you do it?
Me - Well, you love your dance lessons, and Daddy loves playing basketball, and Maddie enjoys her weekly outing with her friends...so you're all doing stuff that makes you happy
Cassie - But is there something about tonight that makes YOU happy, Mummy?
Me - If the three people I love most in the world are happy, I'm happy too.
Cassie - Gee, you must love us a lot, Mummy. I would be cranky to have to drive everyone around so much.
Me - Cassie, when you're married to a wonderful man and you have some beautiful kids that you love more than anything in the world, you'll get it. If they're happy, you're happy too.
Cassie - I hope so Mummy, 'cause right now, I can't understand it.
...........
Lucky she caught me in a good mood that evening - who knows what I'd have said if I had PMS or not had enough sleep the night before...
That's my girl - always making me think...
Yikes!!! It's Thursday tomorrow!!!!
xoxox
Monday, May 23, 2011
To make this work...
To be honest, my 21 Day Challenge sounded a little bit vague to me just minutes after I published it...
So I've been thinking and re-thinking, and the time has come to fess up to you my lovely Blogging friends...
I AM CONFUSED!!!
...and it's my own fault...
I have been speaking to two friends who have both lost weight in the last few months and are looking hawt ... I am like a little sponge soaking up information when I need help, so I questioned Lisa and Karen at length and begged them for advice...
The poor dears aren't to blame - they simply did what I asked them to - they told me what had worked for them, and they told me how they had lost their weight
LISA - decided late last year that she wanted to shift some weight fast and didn't want to stress about what to cook etc so she went for SHAKES...never mind the brand, they're all pretty similar...Lisa lost 12kg in about seven weeks. She is one focussed little customer...she did not stray from her Plan for about three months and when I caught up with her at Easter she had kept her weight off and was actually introducing "real food" back into her diet without having panic attacks because she would gain the weight back. Lisa loves running, she started about five years ago and hasn't looked back. It's her exercise of choice and really believes the fact that she ran five days a week as well as doing the odd Zumba class is what helped her lose the weight so quickly (4.4kg in the first week!!!)
Karen - of "the Trek" fame...found her clothes were fitting a little too snugly after a long-winded but amicable marriage break-up...She bought the CSIRO Diet book and followed it to the letter, losing two dress sizes in seven weeks...Karen goes to the gym five days a week and attends a weekly Bootcamp session, she is extremely competitive in all aspects of her life, so there was no looking back for her - once she decided on a Plan, it became a way of life, in fact she still sticks to the guidelines of CSIRO 90% of the time. She is one of the fittest and youngest looking 53 year olds I know...
Now, are you ready for what I'm going to fess up about...? OK - who's guessing already?
I spoke to Karen and to Lisa during the same week...and they both pledged to support me in my weight loss endeavours and give me advice etc...and they each thought I was going to follow their plan... and I did, well, I tried...
I went and bought some SHAKES, and I pulled out my old copy of CSIRO, and what can I say? My weight has been yo-yoing like there's no tomorrow, because I'm just so effing confused that I don't know what to do!!!!!
How did I get myself into this mess???
I get daily text messages from Lisa and Karen, giving me advice. They expect Weekly Weigh-ins to check on my progress...
As I type this I don't know whether to laugh or cry...?
FFS, I feel like I'm cheating on one plan by following the other...
............
Time to take a deep breath, re-commit to my 21 Day Challenge, but this time with a Plan - my own Plan...
Time to be honest - this isn't working...
I can't say that I've honestly given either Plan 100% effort, but I'm too confused to re-visit either/or...
So I will do something that worked for me nine years ago. Nine kilos lost in three months...it was relatively easy, I enjoyed it, and most of all I enjoyed the success....
Yes, friends, I am going back to **** Weight Watchers ****
First weigh in will be this Saturday morning and I will take a photo of my starting weight and post my weight loss every week from then on.
Rule 1 for successful weight loss -
Find a Plan and stick with it
It's not rocket science, is it?
So I've been thinking and re-thinking, and the time has come to fess up to you my lovely Blogging friends...
I AM CONFUSED!!!
...and it's my own fault...
I have been speaking to two friends who have both lost weight in the last few months and are looking hawt ... I am like a little sponge soaking up information when I need help, so I questioned Lisa and Karen at length and begged them for advice...
The poor dears aren't to blame - they simply did what I asked them to - they told me what had worked for them, and they told me how they had lost their weight
LISA - decided late last year that she wanted to shift some weight fast and didn't want to stress about what to cook etc so she went for SHAKES...never mind the brand, they're all pretty similar...Lisa lost 12kg in about seven weeks. She is one focussed little customer...she did not stray from her Plan for about three months and when I caught up with her at Easter she had kept her weight off and was actually introducing "real food" back into her diet without having panic attacks because she would gain the weight back. Lisa loves running, she started about five years ago and hasn't looked back. It's her exercise of choice and really believes the fact that she ran five days a week as well as doing the odd Zumba class is what helped her lose the weight so quickly (4.4kg in the first week!!!)
Karen - of "the Trek" fame...found her clothes were fitting a little too snugly after a long-winded but amicable marriage break-up...She bought the CSIRO Diet book and followed it to the letter, losing two dress sizes in seven weeks...Karen goes to the gym five days a week and attends a weekly Bootcamp session, she is extremely competitive in all aspects of her life, so there was no looking back for her - once she decided on a Plan, it became a way of life, in fact she still sticks to the guidelines of CSIRO 90% of the time. She is one of the fittest and youngest looking 53 year olds I know...
Now, are you ready for what I'm going to fess up about...? OK - who's guessing already?
I spoke to Karen and to Lisa during the same week...and they both pledged to support me in my weight loss endeavours and give me advice etc...and they each thought I was going to follow their plan... and I did, well, I tried...
I went and bought some SHAKES, and I pulled out my old copy of CSIRO, and what can I say? My weight has been yo-yoing like there's no tomorrow, because I'm just so effing confused that I don't know what to do!!!!!
How did I get myself into this mess???
I get daily text messages from Lisa and Karen, giving me advice. They expect Weekly Weigh-ins to check on my progress...
As I type this I don't know whether to laugh or cry...?
FFS, I feel like I'm cheating on one plan by following the other...
............
Time to take a deep breath, re-commit to my 21 Day Challenge, but this time with a Plan - my own Plan...
Time to be honest - this isn't working...
I can't say that I've honestly given either Plan 100% effort, but I'm too confused to re-visit either/or...
So I will do something that worked for me nine years ago. Nine kilos lost in three months...it was relatively easy, I enjoyed it, and most of all I enjoyed the success....
Yes, friends, I am going back to **** Weight Watchers ****
First weigh in will be this Saturday morning and I will take a photo of my starting weight and post my weight loss every week from then on.
Rule 1 for successful weight loss -
Find a Plan and stick with it
It's not rocket science, is it?
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Hubby
"Hubby" doesn't read my Blog...I've never bothered to tell him I have one. He knows I am inspired by the women who write the Blogs I read, but he's never broached the subject...it's sort of my little thing and he gets it.
Today's post is dedicated to him, my Partner in Life...
Mickey, here are some of the things that make me love you ***
Hot cups of tea on my bedside table the minute I open my eyes ...
Space in the morning...(you know I'm not a morning person) ...
You clean up after me when I work in the garden ...
The way you tell me I have the most beautiful hands ...
That funny Cockney accent thing you do...makes me laugh til I cry ...
You love animals, especially our crazy pets ...
The way you brag about my scones being so good you refuse to eat anyone else's ...
You understand my PMS ... so well ...
When everyone else says "You can't..." You say "Show them!" ...
And all the old cars we've owned during our life together...and the adventures we've had with them ...

I know you're getting older too (yes, you - the "younger man") and sometimes life gets hard and we've had some sad times but geez there have been so many good times...
Our girls absolutely worship you, how do you manage to not have shouting matches with them...? You're so calm in your dealings with them... I love what a wonderful Dad you are.
You work so hard with me for our family...but at the end of the day I know I could ask you for anything and you wouldn't say No - it's just not the way you are...whatever it was, I know you would try to do it for me, no matter how tired you were...I know this and I appreciate it so much that you'll never know.
...and you still make me go weak at the knees...
xoxoxo
Today's post is dedicated to him, my Partner in Life...
Mickey, here are some of the things that make me love you ***
Hot cups of tea on my bedside table the minute I open my eyes ...
Space in the morning...(you know I'm not a morning person) ...
You clean up after me when I work in the garden ...
The way you tell me I have the most beautiful hands ...
That funny Cockney accent thing you do...makes me laugh til I cry ...
You love animals, especially our crazy pets ...
The way you brag about my scones being so good you refuse to eat anyone else's ...
You understand my PMS ... so well ...
When everyone else says "You can't..." You say "Show them!" ...
And all the old cars we've owned during our life together...and the adventures we've had with them ...

I know you're getting older too (yes, you - the "younger man") and sometimes life gets hard and we've had some sad times but geez there have been so many good times...
Our girls absolutely worship you, how do you manage to not have shouting matches with them...? You're so calm in your dealings with them... I love what a wonderful Dad you are.
You work so hard with me for our family...but at the end of the day I know I could ask you for anything and you wouldn't say No - it's just not the way you are...whatever it was, I know you would try to do it for me, no matter how tired you were...I know this and I appreciate it so much that you'll never know.
...and you still make me go weak at the knees...
xoxoxo
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Time for a Challenge - 21 Days
I've been a bit slack with myself since that TREK...
July is shaping up to be a month of get-togethers and socializing...
Now, I've never been one to set myself a date or an "ocassion" to lose weight. Some people are very successful at saying - "I will lose weight for my cousin's wedding.." etc. Not me.
However I do not like the way I look or feel at the moment, and honestly, if I had a social engagement for next week, I'd more than likely find an excuse not to go - the real reason being that I am not happy with "myself"...
So, to avoid this happening when July comes around, I am setting myself a challenge.
A 21 Day Challenge.
For the next 21 days I will track what I eat, being mindful to eat unprocessed, natural food 95% of the time, focussing on lean protein, fruit and veg, wholegrains and healthy fats. Lots of water is also on the menu...
My weight today is 72.5kg TTOM is here, so judging by the way my tummy looks and feels, I would say the numbers are a tad exaggerated by fluid, but it is what it is.
I will post my weight again in 21 days... 11th June...
My goal here is to re-form some good habits. They say it takes 21 days to build a habit, so it should be enough to re-learn past good habits, don't you think?
Exercise-wise my plan is to move six out of seven days a week.
I will continue with my C25K program and also throw in stuff that I enjoy, like my long walks into the bush or around the neighbourhood with Hubby.
I don't have a gym membership at the moment as I am investigating a couple of options around here.
Yesterday I felt an "urge" to lift some serious weights again - funny when that happens to a person not considered the "fitness type" by some...
Things will get a lot more comfortable financially for us come July, so that's when I'll decide which gym to join and perhaps re-visit some of my old training plans.
I am a bit excited about embarking on my own little challenge...Can I make a difference in 21 days...?
What works for you?
Do you set yourself challenges from time to time? Or is your commitment to your health so strong that you never stray?
Stay tuned.
xoxox
July is shaping up to be a month of get-togethers and socializing...
Now, I've never been one to set myself a date or an "ocassion" to lose weight. Some people are very successful at saying - "I will lose weight for my cousin's wedding.." etc. Not me.
However I do not like the way I look or feel at the moment, and honestly, if I had a social engagement for next week, I'd more than likely find an excuse not to go - the real reason being that I am not happy with "myself"...
So, to avoid this happening when July comes around, I am setting myself a challenge.
A 21 Day Challenge.
For the next 21 days I will track what I eat, being mindful to eat unprocessed, natural food 95% of the time, focussing on lean protein, fruit and veg, wholegrains and healthy fats. Lots of water is also on the menu...
My weight today is 72.5kg TTOM is here, so judging by the way my tummy looks and feels, I would say the numbers are a tad exaggerated by fluid, but it is what it is.
I will post my weight again in 21 days... 11th June...
My goal here is to re-form some good habits. They say it takes 21 days to build a habit, so it should be enough to re-learn past good habits, don't you think?
Exercise-wise my plan is to move six out of seven days a week.
I will continue with my C25K program and also throw in stuff that I enjoy, like my long walks into the bush or around the neighbourhood with Hubby.
I don't have a gym membership at the moment as I am investigating a couple of options around here.
Yesterday I felt an "urge" to lift some serious weights again - funny when that happens to a person not considered the "fitness type" by some...
Things will get a lot more comfortable financially for us come July, so that's when I'll decide which gym to join and perhaps re-visit some of my old training plans.
I am a bit excited about embarking on my own little challenge...Can I make a difference in 21 days...?
What works for you?
Do you set yourself challenges from time to time? Or is your commitment to your health so strong that you never stray?
Stay tuned.
xoxox
Friday, May 20, 2011
Feeling hurt and vulnerable
Bear with me - I'll try to keep it short and simple
I just need to verbalise a little...just put some feelings down on "paper" if you will. Writing has always helped me, it's like talking to someone about your problem, it somehow becomes lighter.
A few weeks ago someone hurt me badly...I'm a Crab. Born in early July, if you are into the Stars, all I can say is that I am a fairly typical Cancerian...on the outside you see a hard shell, but on the inside there is a very soft mushy side to me which doesn't cope with a lot of poking - it starts to hurt.
My mother in law misunderstoon a reply from me to one of her e-mails and forwarded it onto one of her sons (and goodness knows who else...?) by mistake, that e-mail ended up in MY in-box and I read some nasty stuff about myself.
I felt gutted. Michael(hubby) read it too. It came into our work e-mail...
Michael did something extremely out of character - he picked up the phone and told his mother how much she'd hurt both of us with her actions. He reminded her of :
* the fact that since I had married him, we had always spent Christmas with her
* ever since we've had children, I have always made sure we catch up for birthdays, Christmas, Easter, they are always invited to School Plays and award ceremonies, eisteddfods, dance concerts and basketball finals
* I single handedly organised their 50th wedding anniversary, her 70th Birthday and his dad's 75th Birthday
* I am the only daughter in law who will ring her every couple of weeks to update her with news of her granddaughters
Michael also spoke to her about the fact that yes, I might be outspoken and "fiery", but I have a lot of people who love me and they don't have as much trouble getting to know me as she claims to have. He also said that he loved me just the way I am and wouldn't change a thing about our life together...
This was a huge and amazingly lovely thing for him to do - you see, he is very "old fashioned" in his dealings with his parents, in that he respects them highly and would usually not enter into conflict with them unless the cause was worth it.
It truly flooded my heart with love for him because I know how hard this would have been for him, but as he said to me, he's had enough of his mother focusing on the "bad" instead of seeing the good I do.
I know mother/daughter-in-law relations aren't always easy, but I can truly say I gave it my best shot. After nineteen years of hitting my head against a brick wall and feeling repressed because my mother in law takes absolutely everything I say and do the wrong way, I've had enough...
If only she knew that the fiery, "bitchy" daughter in law that she finds so difficult is absolutely broken hearted and reduced to feeling insecure and afraid to speak out in case everyone else also finds me hard to take...
I feel like maybe I should change the way I speak, the way I act...but that would mean changing WHO I AM...
Feeling so very low.
Sorry, no airy, light, happy picture for you tonight, just me...feeling gutted and confused.
Where to from here?
I just need to verbalise a little...just put some feelings down on "paper" if you will. Writing has always helped me, it's like talking to someone about your problem, it somehow becomes lighter.
A few weeks ago someone hurt me badly...I'm a Crab. Born in early July, if you are into the Stars, all I can say is that I am a fairly typical Cancerian...on the outside you see a hard shell, but on the inside there is a very soft mushy side to me which doesn't cope with a lot of poking - it starts to hurt.
My mother in law misunderstoon a reply from me to one of her e-mails and forwarded it onto one of her sons (and goodness knows who else...?) by mistake, that e-mail ended up in MY in-box and I read some nasty stuff about myself.
I felt gutted. Michael(hubby) read it too. It came into our work e-mail...
Michael did something extremely out of character - he picked up the phone and told his mother how much she'd hurt both of us with her actions. He reminded her of :
* the fact that since I had married him, we had always spent Christmas with her
* ever since we've had children, I have always made sure we catch up for birthdays, Christmas, Easter, they are always invited to School Plays and award ceremonies, eisteddfods, dance concerts and basketball finals
* I single handedly organised their 50th wedding anniversary, her 70th Birthday and his dad's 75th Birthday
* I am the only daughter in law who will ring her every couple of weeks to update her with news of her granddaughters
Michael also spoke to her about the fact that yes, I might be outspoken and "fiery", but I have a lot of people who love me and they don't have as much trouble getting to know me as she claims to have. He also said that he loved me just the way I am and wouldn't change a thing about our life together...
This was a huge and amazingly lovely thing for him to do - you see, he is very "old fashioned" in his dealings with his parents, in that he respects them highly and would usually not enter into conflict with them unless the cause was worth it.
It truly flooded my heart with love for him because I know how hard this would have been for him, but as he said to me, he's had enough of his mother focusing on the "bad" instead of seeing the good I do.
I know mother/daughter-in-law relations aren't always easy, but I can truly say I gave it my best shot. After nineteen years of hitting my head against a brick wall and feeling repressed because my mother in law takes absolutely everything I say and do the wrong way, I've had enough...
If only she knew that the fiery, "bitchy" daughter in law that she finds so difficult is absolutely broken hearted and reduced to feeling insecure and afraid to speak out in case everyone else also finds me hard to take...
I feel like maybe I should change the way I speak, the way I act...but that would mean changing WHO I AM...
Feeling so very low.
Sorry, no airy, light, happy picture for you tonight, just me...feeling gutted and confused.
Where to from here?
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